keepcalmandcarriefischer:

queenofnevermore:

vampire vs. skeleton. what’s the vampire gonna do? suck blood the skeleton doesn’t have?? on the other hand werewolf vs. skeleton would not be so good. all those bones.

Its like Halloween rock paper scissors

(via catch-all)

aliaoftheknives:

I must not cringe. Cringe is the mind-killer. Cringe is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my cringe. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. When the cringe has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. 

(via catch-all)

adventurecore-suggestions:

compliment recklessly! say the nice things that come to your head! we’ve got better things to do than resisting the instinct to be kind!

(via catch-all)

omnybus:

how2bake:

how2bake:

demon gf that insists on making pacts for every little thing

“i will do the dishes… for a price (kissies)”

She’s one hell of a gal

(via catch-all)

// how about them single parent!au’s??//

dumhaz:

• im on the bus and my 2-year-old won’t stop crying, except you just smiled at them and they did
  
• i asked you to babysit one time and now my child keeps asking when you will spend time with them again
  
• you asked me to the store with you and your child, and now my distant relative we met thinks im married with a baby 
  
• we are friends and my child’s first word was your name and im jealous but also kind of endeared
  
• you’ve been sleeping at mine because your house is being renovated and we aren’t even dating, yet every time you wake up to the baby crying and sigh, “i’ll go” i feel like we might as well be married
  
• we’ve been on a few dates and my child just asked us when we are getting married
  
• our children are in the same class and we both hate their teacher, eventually the parents’ evenings are just us competing who can call out snarkier comments
• we are the only two parents who agreed to attend the school trip (bonus: “so i guess we share this hotel room?”)
• our children are best friends….yeah
• “i’m so sorry that my child pointed out how your shirt- actually nevermind i agree, that shirt is horrendous”
  
• you crouched down to coo at my baby but i forgot to tell you their favorite thing to do is to play with people’s hair and now they won’t let go of you

(via catch-all)

mini-wrants:

saywhat-politics:

(via catch-all)

theunfairfolk:

humans need a healthy dose of believing in benign bullshit. four leaf clovers. salt over the shoulder. if you don’t let it out in little ways it builds up inside of you where it rots until you join qanon.

(via catch-all)

typekast:

My friend’s little brother (non-verbal) used to hide people’s shoes if he liked the person, because it meant they had to stay longer. The more difficult it was to find your shoes, the more he liked you.

One day my cousin came over, and she was a bitch. When it was time to leave, my friend’s brother handed her shoes directly to her and she went on and on about how he must have a crush on her because he only “helped” her.

(via catch-all)

robottko:

“this pillow works better if your a back sleeper” bitch I’m a rotisserie chicken sleeper I don’t stop turning until sleep rips me forcefully from this world

(via whatshouldntbe)